You can’t blame me for hit rate manipulations ;)

 

Word count: 771 | Estimated time to read entry: 6 min

 blog

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. Frankly speaking, I am busy and typing out a long chunk of text doesn’t appeal to me anymore especially when I have foreign movies, Sci-fi novels and PSP games as alternatives. And when bloggers run out of ideas and time, the easiest thing to do is a compilation – like “Top 10 things for….” or “Best 5 tips for…” et alia.

 

Fortunately, I stumbled upon Google Zeitgeist, a site that lists the most popular search strings on a yearly basis across various categories. Here are some of the most interesting ones from India:

 

1. Katrina Kaif: Thanks to Akshay Kumar’s histrionics and a lot of jobless guys glued to the computer, in office and at home, Kat has made it to most of the categories on GZ, India. As of today, she is ranked #3 in ‘Fastest Rising’ where the only other human being, let alone a Bollywood celeb, is Genelia D’Souza at #7; she is ranked #10 in ‘Most Popular’ in which there is no other human being; #6 on ‘Mobile Search’ in which there is one another human being who I am reserving for a more elaborate discussion in 2 below 😉 and #1 on Bollywood celebs beating Aishwarya Rai. She is surprisingly not present in the ‘Holiday destination’ and ‘How to’ categories. Or perhaps GZ doesn’t want to list queries like ‘Katrina Kaif’s home address’ as a holiday destination and ‘How to get Katrina Kaif’s phone number’ as a ‘How to…’ query ?? 😉

 

2. Namitha: Now, this won’t come as a surprise to any of my regular blog readers because of my previous entries and my observations. Namitha figures #9 on ‘Mobile Search’. No wonder Google enabled the ‘widescreen’ option in the G1 Android phone! Now, don’t ask me why they enabled a touch screen too 😛

 

3. Kareena Kapoor: Now, I had to list her being a great fan of hers! She is #5 in ‘Bollywood Celebs’ and she’s got 1-up on Shahid Kapur even here (he is on #6). If wearing a skimpy bikini in Tashan could get a rank #5, c’mon Bebo, you know what it takes to get to the top! Of course, I meant choosing better movies than the likes of Tashan, what did you guys think? 😉 And if that is what you thought, then what advice can you give Mallika Sherawat who is on #9, despite everything, in the very same list!??? 😛 See, logical extrapolation doesn’t work always.

 

4. Google: There were some bozos who actually googled the word ‘Google’ so much that it made it to #4 on ‘Most popular’ and #10 on ‘Mobile Search’ category. It is like asking the station master which station one is in, 1 second after colliding head-on with the yellow board that spells out the location details in 3 languages at every railway station. I guess Google should put a ‘You are here’ board on their homepage. But I am still wondering, what kind of a guy would google Google? Perhaps those with full cabins in offices, is my best guess 😛

 

5. How to…: I think this whole category is quite hilarious so I will mention many things that caught my interest.

 

How to reduce/gain weight @ #1 and #6 respectively: Boy, am I relieved I am with the majority for once!  

 

How to get pregnant @ #4: Well, all I can tell you gals is to try not to experiment with iPill. Hey, the iPill is not an Apple product so please don’t swallow your iPod to see if your search query is miraculously answered. And ladies, for heaven’s sake, the ‘good old-fashioned method’ still works best! 😛

 

How to earn money/impress a gal @ #3 and #9 respectively: My guess is that those who first searched on impressing a gal then trebled their search attempts by typing how to earn money. The wise guys realized that to impress a gal, you need to earn good money! Let me simplify your task guys – try googling ‘How to earn enough money to impress a gal’. But then Larry Page and Sergey Brin, founders of Google and two of the richest guys in the world are still trying their luck at getting that answer right so I wonder if you will have any luck 😉

 

PS: Any reader who comments on why I chose to post an entry on this topic will get a brand new iPod….. Hey, wait a minute! Where did it go now?!!! Yikes!!!!!Looks like my neighbor’s daughter just swallowed it! 


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4 Responses

  1. Hey dude had read a very similar story in TOI so was not really surprised the findings. I think though the censors have been playing around with the poll results because there is no way that “sex/porn/nude scenes” are not the number one search

  2. @Gadiyar-

    You are right. These must be the “presentable” queries only. 😀

  3. hey…a real good one…I missed the TOI article so this was new to me and ur presentation did add to the hilarity…
    reall good
    keep away ur PSP and all that …give us more to read…

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