Word count: 835|Estimated time to read blog: 7 minutes
When was the last time you wanted to binge on that pizza and down that milkshake but had to stop your gluttonous self because you were afraid of putting on all those extra kilos? Relax guys! According to a latest expert opinion, being a little overweight is the new in-thing and is even considered sexy!!!! No prize for guessing that the ‘expert’ quoted in the previous sentence is me myself. 😛
I realized the hard way that it is easier to change popular opinion than change my build status from “a few extra pounds” to even “about average” on Orkut. Forget “athletic” – way too far from it. So now I have set out on a mission of convincing all you anorexic damsels and muscled hunks that it is actually cool to be a little overweight.
Recognition of the fact that I am overweight didn’t happen in a hurry. Each time I met up with an old friend, I was fed up of listening to the same old unoriginal comment– “Hey man! You have put on some weight!” To combat this, I began to use this very remark on the other person even before he/she had a chance to use it on me. This proved out to be very effective.
It was in this process that I found out that convincing people isn’t as difficult as convincing my bath stool – whose groans are becoming louder each time I sit on it. Its four feet, which used to be straight, are now splayed out like Charlie Chaplin’s. The pleas from my bath stool and my brainwave that people are easy to convince are the right reasons behind writing this blog.
Some readers have accused me of being an MCP in one of my earlier blogs. This, coupled with the fact that it is women who are more calorie-conscious prompts me to address them first. Ladies, the benefits of being overweight are numerous for your gender. For one, you will know what true love is. If you are overweight, the chances that you will be liked solely for your bodies are quite less. So if the guy still likes you, he will like you for what you really are – your true (obese) self!
Secondly, you can save all the time you spend on preening in front of the mirror and invest it on some exciting and more important things like, say, shouting at your boyfriend/husband or watching more soap operas so that the others in the family are bored to death. And your effective life span will obviously increase because, as per a recent news article, the total cumulative time spent by women on dressing, getting ready etc is around 3 years of their respective lifetimes! So by not paying attention to it, you now save three years! Don’t you feel three years younger already?!! 😉
Then of course, there is this added advantage of going clothes-shopping every weekend. You can now stay au courant with the current clothing trends and do away with old clothes instantly. Your otherwise parsimonious spouse will now be glad to buy clothes and accessories for you because you can mortally petrify him by giving him examples like – “What if my skirt tears off while I am bending over in the office- because it is too tight?” or “What if the buttons on my top just pop out when I raise my hands to explain something in the presentation!?” 😉 Wishful thinking? You bet! And I will stop at two examples!! 😛
For the guys also, the advantages are very many. You can stop focusing on your looks – 6 packs, biceps etc and pay attention to your skills and abilities – like for example lying to your girlfriend/wife how amazing she looks, cooks etc. In the bus, you can comfortably occupy that 2-seater without the fear of someone occupying the adjacent ‘vacant’ seat.
Of course, you wont get a bad name for having a beer belly because when having a belly itself becomes a hep thing, you can have unlimited beer without any accompanying pangs of guilt. In fact, you can even entertain the babes at a party by balancing a mug of beer on your belly and running a race.
And think about all the cash you will be saving due to abstinence from gym, health clubs and other exercise. You can now buy that SUV you always yearned for – of course, you wouldn’t fit into any other forms of personal vehicles 😉
Also, with all the weight on your own self, normal every day walking becomes an exercise in itself. Isn’t lugging around a near-hundred kilos all day a very good form of exercise? Lift one of your arms and it is equivalent to lifting a 15 kg dumbbell! Who dare say you don’t exercise? Taking your body to the building would be the best form of body-building for you!
So guys and gals aren’t you in-fat-uated with putting on weight right away?? C’mon, try and beat me! 😉
PS: The title is taken from one of Right said Fred’s song having the same name. You are damn Right, Fred – I totally agree with you on this one. 😀