I’m too sexy for my…

Word count: 835|Estimated time to read blog: 7 minutes


When was the last time you wanted to binge on that pizza and down that milkshake but had to stop your gluttonous self because you were afraid of putting on all those extra kilos? Relax guys! According to a latest expert opinion, being a littlenamitha.jpg overweight is the new in-thing and is even considered sexy!!!! No prize for guessing that the ‘expert’ quoted in the previous sentence is me myself. 😛

I realized the hard way that it is easier to change popular opinion than change my build status from “a few extra pounds” to even “about average” on Orkut. Forget “athletic” – way too far from it. So now I have set out on a mission of convincing all you anorexic damsels and muscled hunks that it is actually cool to be a little overweight.

Recognition of the fact that I am overweight didn’t happen in a hurry. Each time I met up with an old friend, I was fed up of listening to the same old unoriginal comment– “Hey man! You have put on some weight!” To combat this, I began to use this very remark on the other person even before he/she had a chance to use it on me. This proved out to be very effective.

It was in this process that I found out that convincing people isn’t as difficult as convincing my bath stool – whose groans are becoming louder each time I sit on it. Its four feet, which used to be straight, are now splayed out like Charlie Chaplin’s. The pleas from my bath stool and my brainwave that people are easy to convince are the right reasons behind writing this blog.

Some readers have accused me of being an MCP in one of my earlier blogs. This, coupled with the fact that it is women who are more calorie-conscious prompts me to address them first. Ladies, the benefits of being overweight are numerous for your gender. For one, you will know what true love is. If you are overweight, the chances that you will be liked solely for your bodies are quite less. So if the guy still likes you, he will like you for what you really are – your true (obese) self!

Secondly, you can save all the time you spend on preening in front of the mirror and invest it on some exciting and more important things like, say, shouting at your boyfriend/husband or watching more soap operas so that the others in the family are bored to death. And your effective life span will obviously increase because, as per a recent news article, the total cumulative time spent by women on dressing, getting ready etc is around 3 years of their respective lifetimes! So by not paying attention to it, you now save three years! Don’t you feel three years younger already?!! 😉

Then of course, there is this added advantage of going clothes-shopping every weekend. You can now stay au courant with the current clothing trends and do away with old clothes instantly. Your otherwise parsimonious spouse will now be glad to buy clothes and accessories for you because you can mortally petrify him by giving him examples like – “What if my skirt tears off while I am bending over in the office- because it is too tight?” or “What if the buttons on my top just pop out when I raise my hands to explain something in the presentation!?” 😉 Wishful thinking? You bet! And I will stop at two examples!! 😛

For the guys also, the advantages are very many. You can stop focusing on your looks – 6 packs, biceps etc and pay attention to your skills and abilities – like for example lying to your girlfriend/wife how amazing she looks, cooks etc. In the bus, you can comfortably occupy that 2-seater without the fear of someone occupying the adjacent ‘vacant’ seat.

Of course, you wont get a bad name for having a beer belly because when having a belly itself becomes a hep thing, you can have unlimited beer without any accompanying pangs of guilt. In fact, you can even entertain the babes at a party by balancing a mug of beer on your belly and running a race.

And think about all the cash you will be saving due to abstinence from gym, health clubs and other exercise. You can now buy that SUV you always yearned for – of course, you wouldn’t fit into any other forms of personal vehicles 😉

Also, with all the weight on your own self, normal every day walking becomes an exercise in itself. Isn’t lugging around a near-hundred kilos all day a very good form of exercise? Lift one of your arms and it is equivalent to lifting a 15 kg dumbbell! Who dare say you don’t exercise? Taking your body to the building would be the best form of body-building for you!

So guys and gals aren’t you in-fat-uated with putting on weight right away?? C’mon, try and beat me! 😉

PS: The title is taken from one of Right said Fred’s song having the same name. You are damn Right, Fred – I totally agree with you on this one. 😀



24 thoughts on “I’m too sexy for my…

  1. Thank god, you wrote this post… I have been wondering about your remark… “You have put on weight”… That is mean… very, very mean. 😛

  2. Cool man!!! U have successfully eliminated my occasional guilt pangs in never even trying to attain a slim figure!!! Yo!!! Thanks dude!! This is so convenient!! heheh

  3. Oh, well so you have gained a few pounds, over-eating is so over-rated anyway!

    and I guess she can spend the 3 years saved counting calories on every single food she eats and exercising like a fanatic!!!

    the pic …. fake! seems like its touched up!

    and no, I’m not fat uated!

  4. Hmmm interesting.. so this was done to convince yourself is it? wel… kinda serves my purpose too.. but wil never quit tryin to lose d extra pounds 😉

  5. hehehhe! really good one! really enjoyed reading it, pal !! and I like the idea of putting on those extra pounds…we shud all get a little plump and see how it feels and looks !! I’m for that !!

  6. u perverted mallu-by-heart… i know this is ur way of callin on all the fat ladies for u to enjoy… but it dint help me console myself,… though i hate SRK, this time hez had more influence on me than u, my dear bussy … am soddy! (am in Kolkata now, and thtas how obese Kol(kata) girls say sorry :D)

  7. @ g and h-

    1. The girl in the photograph isnt me. Am a guy and u can see my snap in the ‘About me’ tab on this blog

    2. Cheap pranks dont work here. You have posted 2 comments under 2 different names but the IP address is exactly the same (pointing to Illinois, Lombard) and so is the mail id. 😉

    But anyways, glad you liked my blog. TY 🙂

  8. Well all the “a-few-extra-pounds'” people are heaving a sigh of relief!! So I guess the next time I reach for that super-greasy burger ‘n’ am feeling a tad bit guilty….I should pop open this post…feel smug…and snarf down the xtra-large fries too!!

    Impressive blog!….and definately more than ‘HRS’!

  9. hahahaha…..made a good read….but i must say its is MISLEADING…….all those poor souls(including me) ….u know u can look better,perform better,live better by loosing those “few” …..best of luck to all…………and arent we fooling ourselves ,when we say “hey buddy u’ve put on” lol….

  10. oh yes….by the way..i was hunting for this pic of namitha…and somehow stumbled upon this blog…..perfect pic selection

  11. is this meant to be satirical?
    i thought it was but then everyone seems to be replying as if it isn’t?
    just wondering, maybe I’m just a dumbass.

    1. @lisha-

      You’re right about being a dumbass 😉

      But then, you dont knw me so you are right in having perceived the entry to be satirical 🙂

  12. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this superb blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for
    book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.

    I look forward to new updates and will share this blog with
    my Facebook group. Chat soon!

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